Beevil the Evil Makes "S'mores"

Beevil the Evil disregarded the tortured screams of Bernie, his latest victim, as he stood on the graham cracker platform slowly crushing his purple cousin to death. Instead of feeling sympathy, Beevil found himself annoyed at Bernie’s cries as he waited impatiently for him to suffocate. "What is taking you so long to DIE?", he spat through gritted teeth.

As the last breath left the victim's body, Beevil’s only thoughts were, “Good riddance to your perfect face”. For you see, Beevil’s eyes and nose were recklessly stamped on his chin and neck, instead of on his sugary face. Thus, Beevil was teased and harassed by attractive Peeps like Bernie all through school, by ones with their cute faces placed on correctly, and he swore that one day he would take his revenge on those snotty perfect Peeps. It was retribution he craved.

After dropping out of sugar fluff school, Beevil and his two goons have been slowly snuffing out the lives of the “pretty ones”. Suffocating them between two graham crackers and microwaving them until their bodies blow up into balloons. “Ha! How do you like it now that you’re so ugly?” Beevil cackled. But the poor Peeps lay silent in death.

Beevil is still at large, as he’s quite successful at disposing of evidence. He long ago realized if he left his gooey kills near hungry humans they would quickly devour the platforms, the chocolate body stretchers, and the bodies themselves.

If you find one of these disturbing, but delicious “s'mores” on your plate, it’s possible Beevil the Evil has been up to his criminal activities again. And if you happen to spot Beevil in your Bunny Peep box, please eat him first and stop these horrific assassinations in the Peep community.

Update: Read about Beevil's latest escapade here!

Beevil's Death Platforms a.k.a. "Graham Crackers"
Printer Version

¾ cup (1 ½ sticks) unsalted butter, almost room temperature.
1/3 cup packed light brown sugar
3 Tablespoons sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 Tablespoons honey
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 cup whole wheat flour or whole wheat graham flour
1 ¼ cups unbleached all-purpose flour

In a food processor, cream the butter and sugars together for about 30 seconds. Add everything except the flours and pulse until combined. Add the wheat and all purpose flour and pulse until just combined. Turn out onto a clean surface and knead a few times until combined. Wrap in wax paper and put in a container with a lid. Let rest in the fridge for about an hour.

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.

Lightly flour a clean cutting surface. Separate dough in half and kneed in your hand a few times. Place on surface and sprinkle with a little flour. Using a rolling pin roll out dough just under ¼ inch thick. Using a pizza cutter, slice off jagged edges, next slice the dough into squares. Place squares on baking sheet and repeat with remaining dough adding the scraps from the first rolling.

Bake for 9 to 11 minutes. Let rest on the baking sheet for a minute, and move to a cooling rack.

Notes
1. Freezing unbaked cookies on the baking sheets for 15 minutes will help them hold their square shapes better.

2. If you like traditional holes and lines in your graham crackers, score the center of the cut dough with a cookie cutter on each cracker, and deeply prick each side a few times with a salad fork. Bake as directed.

Graham cracker recipe & pictures by Laura Flowers.