Hotel Hot Chocolate and the Princesses of Pandemonium

Once upon a time there were five little princesses. Well, perhaps there were really five precocious 4th grade art girls who decided to pretend to be high society princesses.

They spent time practicing their British accents and sticking their pinkie fingers out just precisely so from their colorful little cups of hot chocolate. The loudest and most dramatic of the girls thought they needed ages. She would be 26 years of age and the rest chose to be 2, 7, 9 and 16.

As practice for their future years as members of the public these five princesses took turns talking in extra polite voices while sipping delicately from their cups, but soon enough pandemonium would come.

When girls aged 2, 7, 9 and 16 decided they wished to be heard above girl aged 26’s growing chatter, their calm politeness turn to shrieks of high society mockery.

Or perhaps it was all those refills of hot chocolate or the generous marshmallow to hot chocolate ratio. For it didn’t take long for girls aged 26, 9, and 7 to follow girl aged 2 into diving face first into their popcorn. Giggles and growls were heard among bites, chews and gulps.

Except for one. Girl aged 16 must have been more resistant to the effects of sweet warm hot chocolate than girls aged 2, 7, 9 and 26. For she stuck her pinky out as far as it would go, held her head high and delicately ate her snack. This of course made the other girls laugh and screech louder. For they decided behaving like animals was more amusing than life as high society princesses.

Maybe it would be best to limit real high society princesses to water and gruel. For common princesses are fortunate. When they wiggle and worm in their seats they get to jump up and run out the door to play in the dirt, trees and hills of kind neighbors who share their yard with excitable children.

Common high society imaginary animal princesses are very lucky indeed.

The Maidstone Arms’ Hot Chocolate
Print Recipe
Years ago, my friend Julie and mother of Princess aged 16 clipped this recipe out of "The Oregonian" newspaper. Julie remembers reading that this hot chocolate is served at a nice hotel, and from the title it might be The Maidstone in East Hampton. If you have details please let us know.

8 ounces of high-quality semisweet chocolate, finely chopped
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup light or dark corn syrup
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons butter, softened
6 to 8 cups milk (or half & half or, what the heck, whipping cream)

Place chopped chocolate in a heatproof bowl. In a heavy saucepan over medium heat, combine water, corn syrup and sugar. Bring just to a boil and pour immediately over chocolate. Whisk until chocolate is melted and completely integrated, then whisk in butter. (At this point, the mixture can be refrigerated for up to a month.)

Place chocolate mixture and milk in a heavy saucepan over medium heat. Whisk constantly until very hot but not boiling. If desired, top with whipped cream and a dusting of cocoa powder. Serve immediately.

For individual serving, stir 2 heaping tablespoons of the chocolate base into 1 cup milk, or to taste.

Julie's Notes:
I usually use Guittard semi-sweet chocolate chips and grind them up in the food processor so they melt easily.

I use more like 1 heaping tablespoon for an individual serving and even less for Adelia.

Laura's Notes:
For the kiddos, I like to use low-fat milk, 4 ounces semisweet chocolate, a 1.55 ounce Hershey's Milk Chocolate Bar and a tablespoon of cocoa powder. I grind the chocolate and cocoa powder in a food processor because I'm lazy.

Story and picture Copyright Laura Flowers 2011. The Maidstone Arms’ Hot Chocolate might be from the Maidstone Hotel.

Foodbuzz Scavenger Hunt

What do three hundred and fifty food bloggers do at dinner together? Simultaneously with each course they all pull out their cameras and start taking pictures, making me look like a serious amateur. It was surreal!

I told you I'd talk about that strange dream yesterday. So, Ryan Stern from Foodbuzz corners me against the wall of a ballroom. Then scarlet and gold liquids slosh from wine goblets as they float through the air and crash against my head. “Eat!” Ryan commands. I beg, “Please, no if I eat anymore I’ll literally explode.” “Dorian”, Ryan says, “The Sword of Truth. Test her.” Dorian Asch, Foodbuzz’s community manager pulls out a long gleaming white sword and walks toward me. I duck and try to slide against the wall to the freedom of the open glass doors around the corner.

Suddenly, I wake in a cold sweat. I start to chuckle, vowing to go on a semi-fast for the next week. Foodbuzz and their sponsors did an incredible job spoiling us this weekend, maybe a little to good. Or perhaps I shouldn’t read melodramatic wizard books after over-indulging all weekend.

When the exquisite lamb and scallop dinner ended Saturday, we were sent off on a scavenger hunt with our ridiculously full bellies. Sandy, the newest Foodbuzz staff member joined our group and “Tony (left) and The Gold Dust Gals” headed out into the evening to play in beautiful San Francisco.

As we were leaving, I collected 10 business cards as directed, but was naughty and kept them. Well, truth be told I forgot to turn mine in. Sorry! But now I can visit all those blogs I took cards from.

Bone weary and feet aching I ran outside with my team. We spot waiters running around and Julie grabs one for a dance. With number six out of the way we say a grateful goodbye and head into the brightly lit city night.


We tackle jumping jacks next, heck those are easy right? Getting a cable car to stop long enough to get a picture was a whole different matter. “Hey! There’s one, lets run over.” I swear those drivers knew we were up to no good. As soon as they spotted us they’d speed away. We got a picture on the third try. The driver was five seconds too late, but boy he was moving to get away! That's Julie, Diana, Tony, and Sandy with motion blur there.

Then the hippest guy in San Francisco (number four) strolls out of Chase bank. Isn’t he adorable? I’d wear a bow tie and cardigan too if I were 6 ½ feet tall. Sweetest guy ever. Although, I think everyone in San Francisco is nice. He was however, the hippest in my book.

Groan, we looked down at the list. We still had to toast drinks at a bar. Seriously? How the heck are we going to fit it in our gullets? Ugh ok, it’s for the team. We head over with Tony to Gold Dust, a chest-to-chest packed antique bar that screams old time San Fran. The waitress took our picture, it’s blurry but hell it’s a shot. Oh speaking of shots, I got one of Goldschlager Ugh. Why do I do this to myself in the name of fun? This has to be why I had that nightmare.

OK, what next. Snacks? Late night snacks? I swear we collectively groaned. “No. More. Food. No. I rebel. Ugh!” OK, Sarah thinks of hostess so we run across town to Walgreens. The poor guy who took our picture thought we were mental. He took our photograph only out of fear for his life and quickly dropped the camera and backed away into the shadows.


So that’s it. The whole boisterously fun scavenger hunt. Now all I want are vegetables, a nap, fewer blisters and a fully staffed kitchen. “Waitress, would you bring me a grilled vegetable sandwich please? One with a fancy little toothpick?” Oh wait, I’m the waitress, cook and photographer. I suppose it’s back to reality for this food blogger. See you next year Foodbuzz Festival! Hopefully I’ll be recovered by then.

Caffeinated Triple Bypass Brownies

Are you tired of those skinny thighs? Are your arteries so perfectly clean you feel fantastic? Have you missed caffeine? Is your diabetes so well controlled you feel like you’re on top of the world?

Well if so, do I ever have a recipe to fix that! This triple layer heart attack diabetic coma brownie is everything you need to reach a sugar buzz so high you’ll shoot off the earth like a rocket. Spacecraft? Who needs ‘em!

Caffeinated Triple Bypass Brownies

1 box Ghirardelli Double Chocolate Brownie Mix or Chocolate Supreme Brownie Mix

1 ½ teaspoons very finely ground caramel flavored coffee

1 (11 ounce) bag Kraft Caramel Bits, or about ¾ of a bag of Kraft Caramels, unwrapped

¼ cup half & half

12 ounce bag semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 teaspoon shortening

1 cup mini pretzels, slightly broken

1 cup salted peanuts (lightly salted if you have them), roughly chopped

1. Line an 8”x 8” or 9”x 9” pan with foil all the way to the top and brush with oil. Make the brownies according to package directions adding the ground coffee to the batter. Cool completely.

2. Melt the caramels with the half and half in a large bowl in the microwave on high heat. Stir every thirty seconds until melted. Pour over cooled brownies. Let cool until set.

3. Melt the chocolate and shortening in a large bowl in the microwave on high heat. Stir every thirty seconds until melted. Mix in the pretzels and peanuts. Spread over brownies. Cool and serve.

Notes: Brownies can be sliced and stored in the freezer.

Recipe created by Laura Flowers with inspiration from a lost Associated Press story. Picture by Laura Flowers.

Beevil the Evil Makes "S'mores"

Beevil the Evil disregarded the tortured screams of Bernie, his latest victim, as he stood on the graham cracker platform slowly crushing his purple cousin to death. Instead of feeling sympathy, Beevil found himself annoyed at Bernie’s cries as he waited impatiently for him to suffocate. "What is taking you so long to DIE?", he spat through gritted teeth.

As the last breath left the victim's body, Beevil’s only thoughts were, “Good riddance to your perfect face”. For you see, Beevil’s eyes and nose were recklessly stamped on his chin and neck, instead of on his sugary face. Thus, Beevil was teased and harassed by attractive Peeps like Bernie all through school, by ones with their cute faces placed on correctly, and he swore that one day he would take his revenge on those snotty perfect Peeps. It was retribution he craved.

After dropping out of sugar fluff school, Beevil and his two goons have been slowly snuffing out the lives of the “pretty ones”. Suffocating them between two graham crackers and microwaving them until their bodies blow up into balloons. “Ha! How do you like it now that you’re so ugly?” Beevil cackled. But the poor Peeps lay silent in death.

Beevil is still at large, as he’s quite successful at disposing of evidence. He long ago realized if he left his gooey kills near hungry humans they would quickly devour the platforms, the chocolate body stretchers, and the bodies themselves.

If you find one of these disturbing, but delicious “s'mores” on your plate, it’s possible Beevil the Evil has been up to his criminal activities again. And if you happen to spot Beevil in your Bunny Peep box, please eat him first and stop these horrific assassinations in the Peep community.

Update: Read about Beevil's latest escapade here!

Beevil's Death Platforms a.k.a. "Graham Crackers"
Printer Version

¾ cup (1 ½ sticks) unsalted butter, almost room temperature.
1/3 cup packed light brown sugar
3 Tablespoons sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 Tablespoons honey
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 cup whole wheat flour or whole wheat graham flour
1 ¼ cups unbleached all-purpose flour

In a food processor, cream the butter and sugars together for about 30 seconds. Add everything except the flours and pulse until combined. Add the wheat and all purpose flour and pulse until just combined. Turn out onto a clean surface and knead a few times until combined. Wrap in wax paper and put in a container with a lid. Let rest in the fridge for about an hour.

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.

Lightly flour a clean cutting surface. Separate dough in half and kneed in your hand a few times. Place on surface and sprinkle with a little flour. Using a rolling pin roll out dough just under ¼ inch thick. Using a pizza cutter, slice off jagged edges, next slice the dough into squares. Place squares on baking sheet and repeat with remaining dough adding the scraps from the first rolling.

Bake for 9 to 11 minutes. Let rest on the baking sheet for a minute, and move to a cooling rack.

Notes
1. Freezing unbaked cookies on the baking sheets for 15 minutes will help them hold their square shapes better.

2. If you like traditional holes and lines in your graham crackers, score the center of the cut dough with a cookie cutter on each cracker, and deeply prick each side a few times with a salad fork. Bake as directed.

Graham cracker recipe & pictures by Laura Flowers.

Hijacked by Man Food, Dishboy’s Hostile Takeover

So if you haven’t already figured it out, this blog post is not coming to you from Laura. This is Laura’s friend Scott, otherwise known as “the Dishboy”. It is Saturday morning, and I didn’t feel like eating another bowl of cereal, by myself, at my house. So, as Laura was running around, busily preparing to leave town for the weekend, I invited myself over to make breakfast for myself in her kitchen. She said, “sure, come on over” (I think she was just too preoccupied to protest much).

I had a thought in mind as to what I might like, and upon questioning, it turns out that she had all the ingredients (except the one “secret ingredient” that really makes this sandwich) that needed to be used up anyway, as she was going out of town. Knowing that I abhor the thought of food (of all things) going to waste, I figured that I’d do her the favor of hijacking her kitchen, and using her stove/equipment/dishes to MAKE SURE that food didn’t end up getting thrown out. I’m sure that she appreciated that…as no one wants to live with wasted food weighing on their conscience, right?

So, I went to my freezer and got out a couple of frozen hash brown patties, hopped on my motorcycle and sped over to her house with the patties in the pocket of my coat. Upon arriving, I immediately made myself at home in her kitchen and started to cook. Okay, so it’s time to come out of the closet: Yes, ladies, I’m more than just a pretty face standing at the dish sink…I can cook too! (Although I try not to let that secret get out as then people won’t have as much sympathy for the “poor single guy” and invite me to dinner)

I’ve been making these occasionally for a few years now, and they are commonly referred to as “bagel sandwiches” at my house. You can vary your gastronomic experience by changing the meats in the sandwiches to suit your taste and what you happen to have on hand. At my house, I usually have some kind of sliced ham lunch meat on hand, and I like the contrasting taste of a good quality sliced roast beef from the supermarket deli counter. These particular sandwiches were made with Laura’s bacon left over from pizza night and the expensive sliced deli chicken she feeds to her dog (yeah, I know…it’s a long story). I’ve also previously used, with success, things like: Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage, Canadian bacon, etc. However, to be authentic, you should always use two different meats, sliced American Cheese, and definitely frozen hash brown patties. (Yes, I also know that American Cheese barely qualifies as “cheese”. I’m a GREAT LOVER of cheese, but these sandwiches just seem “right” with American.)

You should have seen Laura’s face when she came into the kitchen and got her first glimpse of this monstrosity. Once she stopped laughing, of course she had to take a picture! I decided that since I’d hijacked her kitchen this morning, I may as well hijack her blog for the day as well. The picture you see is the result of my creation. These are not for the faint at heart! The calorie load on one of these things weighs in at a whopping 1186 calories, so warning: you may not be hungry for lunch. I hope you enjoy them.

Ingredients
1 bagel
2 large eggs
3 pieces bacon (or thin breakfast sausage patties)
2 slices deli-counter sliced lunch meat
1 slice American Cheese
1 or 2 pre-prepared frozen hash brown patties

Instructions
1. If you are using uncooked meats (such as breakfast sausage or bacon), you should cook them first, according to your normal practice. Set aside when done.

2. Add approximately 1-2 tablespoons oil to a nonstick skillet, and fry hash brown patties over medium-high heat (or per package instructions).

3. While the hash browns are cooking, I briefly add the pre-cooked style meat(s) to the pan briefly, to sear/brown both sides of the meats (which enhances the flavor). Set these aside after they are browned.

4. As the hash browns near doneness, fry the eggs. I like my fried eggs over hard, with the yolks broken. Do yours however you prefer. If you are making these in small quantities, then I use a single frying pan, and fry these right in the pan next to the hash browns as they finish up. If you do that, it is a good idea to turn down the temperature during this last stage so you don’t overcook the fried eggs. If you are making larger quantities, then you can cook the eggs concurrently in another pan. Optimally, your eggs and hash browns reach doneness at around the same time.

5. Slice and toast your bagel (watch out for nasty cuts while doing this…has everyone sliced the heck out of their hand once while cutting bagels?)

6. Assemble your sandwich. I like to use this order: bagel, egg, hash browns, meats, cheese, and bagel.

7. Add salt/pepper to taste. Note that the pre-prepared hash browns already have quite a bit of salt in them, as do the meats that I generally use. So, consequently, I don’t typically add salt to mine.

Notes
1. These work equally well using only pre-cooked lunch-type meats. If you are not using uncooked meats, you can skip Step #1 above.

2. There is a lot of heat-mass stored in those hash browns. If you’ve been halfway successful at having the bagel come out of the toaster at around the same time the hash browns and eggs finish cooking, your sandwich will be sufficiently hot to melt the cheese and make up for the fact that the meats you cooked at the beginning have cooled significantly. In fact, more than once I’ve bit into one of these and had the burning hot hash browns literally glue themselves to the roof of my mouth using the American Cheese as a type of “hot glue”. Its not fun…watch out.


We now return you to your regularly scheduled food blog…

Classic Scones, Not To Be Eaten with Angry Squirrels

The last morning of camp I wake up early. The light is up enough to start taking pictures, and I’m overjoyed because I’m parked in the middle of what looks like a thimbleberry forest. I thought the thimbleberries were gone for the year, judging by the ones I’d seen earlier along the river, but in the mountains they’re in full swing. I cheerfully pick and take pictures for a couple hours. Little thimbleberries are delicate and don’t last long, so of course I have to eat a good deal as I go. The rest will go into the icebox until I can figure out what to do with them.

Happy with my haul I head back to Otto the Travel Box, make a quick breakfast, grab my book, and carry everything out to the campsite picnic table. I take a couple bites, begin to read about wild food in Idaho, and strangely an immature pinecone lands beside my plate. This happens again, and again, and pinecones start to rain down faster and harder. Angry chattering begins to accompany the barrage of pinecones, and a little territorial grey squirrel shows himself just long enough to scold me. He then races from branch to branch pummeling me with these spiky weapons. A territorial war has been declared.

I start to chatter back, which makes him so angry he races faster to gather and chuck pinecones at my head. I try to take a bite of my food, and wham! another pinecone hits my plate! Pine needles are everywhere, and my food looks like a forest floor. I chatter back and yell at him to stop, this simply eggs him on. I start throwing his pine cones back, but my aim is so bad he gets even more fired up. Finally, I wave a proverbial white flag and run for the motor home. So much for breakfast outside!

After finally eating, I poke my head out the door, stretching my neck to see if the coast is clear. Instead, I spot the enemy. All grey furry eight inches of him, standing on his back legs about four feet from Otto, with the most disgusted facial expression I’ve ever seen on an animal. I can see him thinking, ‘How the hell am I going to get this big piece of crap outta my yard!?”

At this point I start to laugh, I laugh so hard I can’t breathe, and I’m sure the other campers must think I’m crazy by now. The grey squirrel on the other hand gives me a look of loathing, and marches off to see what damage I’ve done to his picnic area.

Once he leaves, I quickly collect the pinecone bombs for a quick count and picture. Sixty-one pinecones chucked at my person. This is one squirrel not to be messed with.

I pack up and head out soon after; much to the relief of the enemy I’m certain.

Classic Scones, Not To Be Eaten with Angry Squirrels


Pre-heat oven to 450 degrees

Wisk together:
1 ¾ cups all-purpose flour
2 ¼ teaspoons baking powder
1 tablespoon sugar (for sweeter scones add ¼ cup sugar)
½ teaspoon salt

Cut in with fork until pea sized pieces of butter:
¼ cup (1/2 stick) cold butter cut into pieces

Beat in a small bowl:
2 large eggs (Reserve 2 tablespoons of the beaten eggs) and add to mixture.

Beat in until just combined:
1/3 cup heavy cream

Flour surface, dump out the dough, flour top of dough. Kneed a few times and press pieces of dough into scone pan or scoop out with an ice cream scoop and drop onto a cookie sheet. Brush with reserved egg and sprinkle with sugar (I used coarse sugar). Bake for about 15 minutes.

Notes
1. I do all this in a food processor. If you want to do this, add the ingredients in the order of the above directions and be careful not to over-process.

2. If you use a mini scone pan leave 5 spaces empty and bake for 12-13 minutes.

Scone recipe from "The Joy of Cooking", pictures by Laura Flowers.

Stupid Rolo Turtles, Now I Need Bigger Pants.

I hate these things. HATE! Super addictive delicious easy horrible stinking Rolo Turtles I curse the day you were created! I curse the creator of such easy deliciousness. Do you hear me?

Maybe one more turtle and I’ll be calm enough to start writing. Ok maybe two. (Munch munch..) Ahhh much better. OK, just one more, really. Anyway, you get the picture right? Just stay away from this crack. It’s bad. I already feel the panic inside me growing. I’ve been without Rolo Turtles for ten seconds now. Ten seconds of wasted life.

It all started after lunch earlier this week. I wanted something sweet and salty. I had seen these easy little turtles pass through the blogging world. I even had the “recipe” memorized. So I innocently put them together, and something horrible happened! I *gasp* ate the whole cookie sheet full. This is something I never do!

The next day about noon I started to get antsy. Wait, be right back.. (Munch chew chomp). OK, so about noon I started to get kind of shaky. I need Rolo Turtles! Five minutes later these dastardly little sweet chewy chocolaty crunchy salty nutty monstrosities were being automatically shoveled into my mouth. My hands were out of control! On their own accord they started shoving these atrocious evil delicious candies into my mouth. My mouth would then be forced to chew, and my throat to swallow.

Day three is a repeat of day one and two. Except, I started putting more toppings on them. Peanuts, chocolate covered coffee beans, and almond, peanut, and plain M&M’s joined the original toasted pecans. I even have a special bag for toppings! There is no hope left for me. I’m doomed! I need bigger pants.

Don’t start down this road. Just say no to Rolo Turtles. Nancy Reagan will be proud of you.

Ingredients
Rolos, many
Pretzel Snaps (small square quilted pretzels)
Toasted pecans, M&M’s of any variety, chocolate covered coffee beans, peanuts, etcetera.

Preheat oven to 220 degrees. Line a cookie sheet with foil.

Place the pretzels on the cookie sheet and top with one Rolo each. Bake for three minutes. Remove from the oven and press on topping of choice.

First, eat as many as you can while burning your mouth. Then slide the foil onto the counter and let the chocolate re-solidify. For faster set up, you can move the pan with the candy to the freezer, and chill for about 20 minutes or until firm.

Notes: To toast pecans, spread them out on a plate and microwave for 30 seconds at a time. Stir the pecans around with your hand in between cooking times until toasted.

I have no idea where this recipe originates from, but if I ever get my hands on that person... Picture and write-up by Laura Flowers.

Cherry Limeade the Radioactive Way

Want that dazzling super glowy look? Try this radioactive cherry limeade. It’s the secret skin enhancer of the stars. Your new glow in the dark skin will cause car accidents from the glare, and all your friends will be envious. With this extraordinary product you’ll stand out in the crowd, like the star you were meant to be.

Call now, for only $19.95 plus $1,245,967 shipping and handling, you can turn your whole life around. This product is not sold in stores. What are you waiting for? Pick up the phone and call 1 (555) Luv Glow. Try it risk free, with a full money back guarantee if you don’t love our product.

Warning: Side effects may include hyperactivity, addiction, and radioactive iodine poisoning. Shipping and handling are not refundable.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups granulated sugar
1 ½ cups water
Small pinch of salt
1 ½ cups fresh squeezed lime juice
1/3 cup maraschino cherries, not the juice
2 TBS grenadine
3 to 5 cups cold water (Depending on how strong you like your limeade)
Maraschino cherries & lime slices for garnish

In a sauce pan bring sugar, 1 ½ cups of water, and a pinch of salt to a boil. Boil until the sugar is melted and the liquid is clear; about 3 to 5 minutes. Set aside and cool slightly.

Place all the ingredients together in a half gallon pitcher and stir to combine. Chill and serve with garnishes.

Don’t forget to read the very small fine print! Radioactive Cherry Limeade photograph was taken by a goofy photographer playing with light, shadows, and Photoshop. Your batch may end up looking like normal cherry limeade, unless have a little radioactive iodine on hand to mix in.

Recipe, picture, and impossibly silly write-up by Laura Flowers.

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Sweet Potato Bird of Happiness

Once you capture the elusive Sweet Potato Bird of Happiness, preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Scrub him clean (they really are quite dirty creatures), rub him in olive oil, place him on a foil lined baking sheet, and cook for 1 hour until pierced easily with a knife.

Serve with butter, maple syrup, and salt, or any number of delicious ways.

Picture by Laura Flowers